i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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