im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
