I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
