you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This house was built for laser tag.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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