Welp...herpes.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
