I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
