nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
