Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
