I looked at my own cervix.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
