i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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