is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
