he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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