I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
