ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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