I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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