you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
