I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
