There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
