Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
