to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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