i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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