I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
