fuck your aforementioned shoe
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
