Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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