Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
