by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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