i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
