Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
