evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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