he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
