but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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