HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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