I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
