He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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