So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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