you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
