My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
