if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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