i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
