i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i think i have two assholes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
