ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Panties = found
I love you.
Bad choice
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
