Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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