Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
