So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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