His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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