apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
