On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
