I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
