After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
