i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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