did you get engaged???
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
