I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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