Where is the hickey?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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