BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
