"it" just moved
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
