some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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