I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
