You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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