how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
