Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
