Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize