Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize