I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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