Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
