Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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