May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
