So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
