so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
