Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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