you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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