Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
