i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
