I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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