Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
