If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can't turn off my feet"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
