I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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