My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
