im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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