Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
