wat bout pragnant strippers??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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