i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
