Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
