How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
